Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
