what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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