1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
