No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
