may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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