She went from zero to smokin in five shots
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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