I must be too annoying 4 u.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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