I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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