I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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