I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want nice things and good sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
