Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
