We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
