im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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