FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
