I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
