I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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