the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
