That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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