I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize