My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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