Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
