Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
