It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
