That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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