her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
