dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
