nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize