There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
