Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Randomize
