hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
