Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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