Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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