I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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