I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
