she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
