Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
