part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
