Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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