I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
