I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
