Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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