Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
