Need sex. Gaining weight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
