i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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