I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
