My liver just broke up with me...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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