No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
