Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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