Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
