During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm at about main and main street
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
