Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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