It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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