In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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