What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
