I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
