Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
