fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
