I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
