I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
