Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
