eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
