Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i now understand why vodka
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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