i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
