O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
