I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
