I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
