He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my poor anus
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
