We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
