i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
zippers are such a cool invention
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
