the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
