Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
