Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
