Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
