I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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