I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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