he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm too high and old for this...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
