I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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