Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize