Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
