I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
