Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
