then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
