What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
