Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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