i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
