i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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