i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
