I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I checked into jail on foursquare
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
