my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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