Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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