i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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