The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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