You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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