she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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