walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
