she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
