I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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